I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
