Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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