im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
