I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
