it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
