He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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