If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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