So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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