that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
