I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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