Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
