North Korea, Best Korea!
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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