How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
