just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
