there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
