we have officially lost it.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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