It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
