Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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