Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
