You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
