Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
