Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
