Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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