I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
