Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
