Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
third nipple confirmed
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I DEMAND FORESKIN
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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