and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
