If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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