my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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