Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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