i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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