Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Me too!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
