so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
third nipple confirmed
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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