so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
