I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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