WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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