Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
