whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
