woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
