he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
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