Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
