if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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