your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
