I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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