i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
