Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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