I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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