It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
