Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
