She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
